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Intern Finds Magazine From 2029, TRI Panics

November 22, 2010
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Oh, I knew it!  Eddie Murphy's a damned cyborg.

It was early Monday morning when TRI intern Jessie Iredale went to retrieve the latest issue of People from the copy room. Lifting up the cover of the copy machine and expecting to see Nick Lachey’s smiling face staring up at her, she suddenly...
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Rare WWI Love Letter Found in TRI Executive’s Vault

November 11, 2010
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Most Beloved 3

During an uneventful police raid of 89 year-old TRI Board Member Ron Tedwater Jr.’s private holdings, a historical document surfaced. It turns out that Tedwater Senior’s private collection of art and historical works had been passed along to his son, rather than sold on...
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New Charity “Freaks For Business” Shows Innovation and Poise

November 4, 2010
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The perfect way to spice up a down economy

Mother nature’s abominations and white collar business: never before have two worlds been so seamlessly enmeshed, thanks to Two Rogers’ newest non-profit, Freaks for Business. Corporations are finding this...
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Two Rogers’ Smartphone App Sorts Celebrity Genitals from Normal Genitals

October 22, 2010
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Two Rogers’ Smartphone App Sorts Celebrity Genitals from Normal Genitals

Determining whether or not the picture of exposed genitalia on your phone belongs to a celebrity or a loved one has never been easier, thanks to Genitalyzer, a new...
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US, Two Rogers, Apologize to Guatemala for Releasing Gary

October 1, 2010
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US, Two Rogers, Apologize to Guatemala for Releasing Gary

WASHINGTON–State Department officials, in tandem with Two Rogers, Inc., formally apologized to the citizens of Guatemala for releasing a Two Rogers test subject, Gary, into their general population in...
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Oscar Winning Phone from Fatal Attraction, Dead at 53

September 22, 2010
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Oscar Winning Phone from Fatal Attraction, Dead at 53

LOS ANGELES–TRI Rotary X7-442572, a phone famous for appearing in over 50 feature films and winning an Academy Award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role in 1988 for...
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Mel Gibson’s New Fragrance Spurs 46% Increase in Restraining Orders

September 10, 2010
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Mel Gibson’s New Fragrance Spurs 46% Increase in Restraining Orders

LOS ANGELES–After being released for only two months by Two Rogers, Mel Gibson’s new fragrance, Provocative, has spurred a 46% increase of restraining orders pending across the nation. “It’s...
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‘Tragedy’ Now ‘Tastee’, Thanks to TRI Employee of the Month

September 2, 2010
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‘Tragedy’ Now ‘Tastee’, Thanks to TRI Employee of the Month

TRI MIGHTY MISSOURI SLURRY DEPOSITORY-Every month Two Rogers recognizes an employee who goes above and beyond the call of duty; who embodies the spirit of value and dependability, and...
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