Better Business Bureau: Pregnant Strippers Must Stop Advertising Lap Dances as “Two for Price of One”

June 23, 2010
By

SIOUX FALLS–In a setback to TRI’s vast network of erotic discos, the BBB issued a press release warning strippers who are carrying child that they cannot promote their services under the guise of “two for the price of one” without running afoul of the Bureau’s regulations guiding fair business practices.

The Bureau’s sternly worded announcement comes as rival factions clashed in the streets of South Dakota’s largest city, over the ability of the fetus to perform its sassy duties concurrently with its host.

Doris Reynolds, leader of Tiny Heels, a pro-lapdance-viability group, notes that fetuses performing in-vivo lapdances should be accorded the same respect as their mothers. “These ladies work hard to please their clients and you better believe that umbilical vein pulsates with every drumbeat of “Janie’s Got a Gun,Ms. Reynolds said, referring to the 1989 Aerosmith song that peaked at #4 on Billboard’s Hot 100, and is a favorite of pregnant performer Jade. “It’s perfectly viable to dance on its own if it had to pay off them ECPI classes she took. If it’s old enough to smoke from mommy’s lungs it’s old enough to dance,” she added.

But Keith Epperly, director of the BBB’s Consumer Protection board, disagrees. “Lets face it, these fetuses wouldn’t know the first thing about stripping, even if their very blood is in fact made up of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and trace meth-ingested toilet seat particles.”

Two Rogers’ legal department has advised its discos to comply with the ruling, but also noted that the BBB did not comment on the existing policy discounting placenta as part of a two-drink minimum.

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  1. Feep Brerync on September 22, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Hi,

    A line inebriated geezer was stumbling down the passage with one foot in the gutter and one foot on the walk. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

    Our wasted beau asked, “Administrator, are ya absolutely foolproof I’m drunk?”

    “Yeah, buddy, I’m foolproof,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

    Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank god. I thought I was crippled.”

    I love Tiny Heels! I’m working on a limerick for them. Check out my drunken limericks.com at poetry-online.org!

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