Apple Approves TRI’s Tire-Slashing App

July 7, 2010
By

Tire post-intermediary via iGashCUPERTINO–Representatives from Apple said late Tuesday that it has approved an app developed by Two Rogers, Inc. that allows users to remotely deflate tires by violently impaling them. The app, called iGash, is expected to be available from Apple’s App Store on Friday, and has already prompted gushing reviews from industry insiders.

“iGash is great, but it’s the ‘Anytime’ feature on this app that’s really going to mess with towing companies,” noted one tech blogger who declined to be identified because of Apple’s non-disclosure agreement with beta testers. “Lets see if those assholes are still ‘cash only’ when I fire up iGash while they’re on the phone with their kids.”

Though tire slashing apps have been available for over two years, Two Rogers programmers thought the response time could be drastically improved. “I used BlurryFist whenever my pharmacist declined to refill my post-op prescription, but unless I remembered to program it ahead of time it would take days for his tires to be damaged,” says Steven Cronfeld, TRI’s chief liason to Apple, “and it didn’t work when it rained.”

iGash works by using the iPhone’s built-in GPS system to locate the nearest Ukranian deli, where it then directs an intermediary, usually Stanislav (depending on if he’s working a double that day), to the location of the vehicle that you have added in your Slash Queue . Users pay a monthly fee, but most say that they wouldn’t mind be charged extra money for a more reliable product. “This app is perfect for the culture of instant gratification that we live in” notes Mr. Cronfeld, “and for making sure Phil knows to stay the hell away from your cousin.”

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  1. Chester McGuillicutty on September 9, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Thank you for the insightful product information. Maybe the Foxconn workers can use this!

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